It has always broken my heart seeing people drown out their self worth. Whatever their poison, some just spiral down into a bottomless pit of unhappiness that will never fulfill them. A speaker at a Steubenville conference told us that sin is a misguided attempt to look for God. Whether one recognizes it or not, these poisons become a part of us. They become the things we tend to enjoy the most about ourselves, and hate even more. These poisons become our lives, our safety nets. They become an ingrained part of our lifestyle while in the grand scheme of things is tearing apart the people we were truly made to be.
A friend of mine told me once that when they looked in the mirror and saw how broken down they were, they were disgusted with the person looking back, the bloodshot eyes were ones they did not recognize. Although I would open my loving arms time and time again, this person always ran back to what they had become comfortable with. I felt helpless, I was worn out and tired and it became harder and harder to keep my arms wide open for someone who loved their sin more than the people who loved them the most.
I wish I could tell you, reader, that I stuck by my friend and put down my own humanly needs for their desperate ones but that would not be the truth. Maybe that was my own sin, giving up. It felt good to focus on myself and the others around me who were dedicated to bettering the world around them. Though, if I am being honest, every time I see my dear friend I can not help but feel the most painful guilt.
I had to realize and now cope with the fact that sometimes people need to come to terms with their own crosses in order to bear them. As I wish only to be someone’s Simon and assure them that they do not have to carry their crosses alone, I recognize that I am only human. I hope to become a great human someday but my 18 year old self is sometimes not ready to fully take on what some can demand.
All we can do is do the best that we can. Keep in touch with friends, acquaintances, family members, fellow students, and make yourself available even if it is for just a smile. Sometimes a smile is all you can give and sometimes a smile is all someone needs.
Romans 15:1 We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.