fleeting towards the distance

I have been thinking a lot about who I am.

Who I am meant to be. 

I could be anything. I can be whoever I want to be and it is hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that who I was yesterday is not who I have to be today or tomorrow. The past leaves us behind and so often do I cling to it.

I have always felt that many people have never seen me for who I really am. Maybe this blog helps alter former opinions and maybe for some it reassures the past.

I guess I know who I am. I am Carmen. I am the girl who wears whatever she wants, finds peace in music that most of you have never heard of, whose heart breaks for the misfortunate and those who have made mistakes. I am a rebellious Iowa girl. I am the daughter. Sister. Maybe I am the one who got away. I am the strong one. The girl who dreams of far away places, sun and rain, and a love that will capture her entire being. I am the girl born in the wrong era. Or the right one. I am weird and awkward. I am vintage. I am all sorts of emotion. I am adventurous and full of love.

I am changing and I struggle and I am happy.

Maybe I don’t express these things in the right ways sometimes. That could be chalked up to the fact that I am still learning but maybe I am also just a huge, walking contradiction. Who cares?

I am me.

Who are you? What are you clinging to and why? Who will you become?

 

 

she goes where the wind suggests she goes, who knows

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